BASED ON THE TRANSCRIPT
OF VERSION 2 BY
Original air date:
Saturday, September 16, 1989
Editor's note: There are two different versions of the episode "HOW'S BAYOU". Version 1 aired only on Saturday, September 16, 1989. It was then altered. This novelization is of the original version.
Within her lair on the sinister world of Metroid, Mother Brain scans her trillion brain cells in search of a clue to Captain N's weakness.
Mother Brain was looking at her computer mind mirror. Suddenly, she saw Kevin, live-action, playing Nintendo in his room. "Did you see that?" Mother Brain asked her minions in the lair with her. Kevin was rapidly pressing the A and B buttons on his NES Advantage. He took his left hand off the joystick and waved it rapidly, opening his mouth as he did so. "It's Captain N, just before he was sucked through the Ultimate Warp Zone into Videoland." As they continued watching the mirror, Kevin placed his hand back on the joystick and closed his mouth. They saw the game Kevin was playing - "Bayou Billy". Billy walked right and jumped over an alligator. He missed the second jump. GAME OVER rose on the TV screen and buzzed. "Rats!" Kevin said. "Way to go, Captain Klutz! I just can't figure my way around this swampy bayou!" "I've found Captain N's weak spot!" Mother Brain said. "Uh, you mean he's afraid of rats?" King Hippo asked. "No, you rat-brain! Bayouland! He doesn't know his way around Bayouland!" King Hippo scratched his head. "I'm not only the most beautiful brain in the world, I'm the cleverest." "How about a radio-controlled sweet potato?" Eggplant Wizard asked. "I'll need a remote-controlled robo-cat." Mother Brain said. Eggy made a radio-controlled sweet potato appear, and it flew off. "That's very thoughtful of you." She picked up the Eggplant Wizard. "But do you know what I'd really like, Eggplant Wizard?" "Uh, what's that, Mother Brain?" Mother Brain grabbed the sweet potato and held it up to him. "An eggplant slicer!" The potato splattered on the Eggplant Wizard. "Now stop thinking, and get me a robo-cat!"
"It's tuned to your brainwaves, Mother Brain." Dr. Wily explained. "Just think a - " wheeze " - thought, and the robo-cat will respond." Mother Brain was intrigued. "Hmm,...let's see." The cat's eyes glowed, and the cat made a robotic "meow" sound. It faced the others. The others were all shaking with fear. The cat jumped on the Eggplant Wizard. "Hahaha! Looks like Dr. Wily's robot doesn't work!" King Hippo said. "On the contrary, it works purrrfectly." Mother Brain said. "Okay, little robo-cat, go into the warp zone and do your stuff." The cat ran into a warp zone.
At the other end of Videoland, at the Palace of Power, Mother Brain's sinister plot begins to unfold.
In the Dancing room in the Palace, Kevin turned on a music machine. Some cool-sounding music began playing. "I'm not sure I can do it, Kevin." Lana said. Kevin walked back over to her. "Of course you can, Princess. Dancing is easy. Here, I'll show you." He started dancing and spinning. Lana smiled. "Oh!" She started dancing. "I like this." "I've got some pretty cool power moves, too." Kevin pressed a button on his Power Pad. He walked backwards in the air and then backwards to where Lana was. He landed back on the floor. "Say, why don't we go back to my world?" Kevin asked her. "My friends would hyperventilate if they saw me dancing with the Princess of Videoland." Lana laughed. "Some other time, Kevin. I've got too many responsibilities here." Suddenly, the robo-cat ran in and jumped on Kevin's head. He fell forward, but was still standing. "Hey!" Kevin yelled. He stood up straight. Duke ran in under Kevin, knocking him back. Kevin fell to the floor. "Whoa! Duke, will you stop chasing things?!" Lana walked over to him, knelt down, and placed her hands on him. "He's been getting me in trouble doing that ever since he was a pup." Kevin said. "Sorry if I upset your cat." Lana leaned in closer to him. "But, I don't have a cat." They both got to their feet and ran after Duke and the cat. "Duke, come back here!" Kevin yelled. A lid rose on a wall in the corridor, revealing a blue warp zone. The cat jumped into the warp. Duke followed. "Duke, no!" Kevin yelled. Duke entered the warp. Kevin and Lana stopped in front of the warp. "Where does this warp zone go to?" Kevin asked her. "Bayouland." Lana answered. "Bayouland?! Oh, that mutt of mine would have to pick the worst place in the universe to chase a stupid cat! Stay cool, I'll be right back." He jumped into the warp. "Duke!"
A warp opened inside a tree in the bayou. Kevin came out. "Dukey! Here, boy!"
On Metroid, Mother Brain was watching Kevin walk around on her mirror. "He's taken the bait! King Hippo, Eggplant Wizard, take the warp zone to the Bayouland...and make sure Captain N never comes out of the swamp." She laughed. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo walked up to two small warp zones in a wall. King Hippo bent over and groaned as he tried to push himself into the warp zone on the right. Finally, he stood up and faced Eggy. "Aw, it's no use. I'll never fit into this pipe." "Nonsense." Eggy said. "All you need is a little lubrication." He waved his hands. "Lettuce is green. Tomatoes are red. Turn King Hippo into a salad head." King Hippo's boxer shorts turned into lettuce. Tomatoes plugged his ears. His crown turned into a mushroom. "Hey! This ain't lubrication!" King Hippo complained. "Into the pipe without any toil." Eggy continued. "Abra-kadabra, vinegar and oil!" The bottles appeared in the Eggplant Wizard's hands. He went over to King Hippo. "Ooh, I'll toss your salad." King Hippo threatened. Eggy covered him with vinegar and oil. "Let's go!" King Hippo yelled. He chased Eggy around in circles. "Ooh, wait'll I get my hands on..." The rest of King Hippo's words were incomprehisible as he followed Eggplant Wizard through the pipe on the right.
At the Palace, Lana and Simon were in the Conference room. Mega Man and Kid Icarus came into the room. "Princess, look what we found!" Mega Man said. "It's a robo-cat! I caught it trying to sneak out of the warp zone!" "We'd better warn Kevin that something's up." Lana said. "Come on, Simon. We're going to Bayouland." "Uh, and get my clothes filthy? I'm sorry, but Simon Belmont, the vampire hunter, never travels in the bayou." Everyone but Simon walked off. Simon got his mirror out and fixed up his hair. "Did you see that, Simon? She practically begged you." He winked. They all gathered at the warp. "Come on, Simon!" Lana said. "After you, Your Wonderfulness." Lana crawled into the warp. Simon followed her. The door slid down over the warp.
"Wait! Your pretty little feet are much too dainty to step in this muck." Simon placed a red cloth over the mud. "Why, thank you, Simon." Lana said, touched. She walked across the cloth. "And, more importantly, so are mine." Simon stepped onto the cloth, but sunk with it into the mud. "Yai!" He got up, coughing and spitting mud out of his mouth. "I hate mud!"
Duke was walking around the bayou. Eyes looked at him from the bushes. He ran to a log, and a spider walked forward. It jumped on his nose. Duke shook his head to get the spider off. He ran somewhere else.
Kevin was walking around in the swamp. "Duke! Where are ya, boy?!" Kevin walked over to a tree's root and sat down on it, placing his head in his hands. "Duke, you can't be gone. I can't remember what it's like without you. You're the best friend I've got in the world." He lifted his head and looked around. "Especially this world." Suddenly, another root tried to grab him. "Huh?" Kevin ran from the live tree but stopped in front of another one. It grabbed him and lifted him up. "Hey! Let go!" He drew his Zapper and shot the tree's arm. He fell into the swamp and ran. He stopped at another tree that tried to grab him. Kevin used his Power Pad to jump the tree. "Whoa! It's a good thing I'm a whiz with the old Power Pad, or I'd've been in deep...quicksand!" Kevin sank through the quicksand and fell into a cave, screaming. He landed on the cave's floor. He stood up. "Phew. For a minute there I could've sworn I was - " He heard growling. "Dead meat!" Kevin yelled when he spotted an alligator. Kevin fell back into a sitting position. He gasped, and the alligator advanced, growling. Kevin tried to use his Pause button. Nothing happened. "Oh, great! The quicksand's drained my power!" Suddenly, a pair of hands closed the alligator's mouth shut. "He gets awful indigestion from eatin' strangers. Heh, heh." He let go, and the alligator burped. He got off of the gator. "Keeps me up all night." The man walked over to his truck. "Hey! You must be Bayou Billy!" Kevin said. "Wait! I need your help!" "Ifin' y'all are lost, uh, the warp zone out of the bayou is right past them trees." Billy said, pointing. "I know. I just came from there. I lost my dog, and you're the greatest tracker in the bayou. Without your help, I'll never find him." "Dog? Well, why didn't you say so? Hop in." Billy whistled. The alligator walked onto the back of the truck and stuck its head into the window. Kevin gasped. "This here's my pet alligator, Loafer. Aw-haw, looky there. He likes ya." "Oh, just what I need." Billy started up his truck, and they sped off. "Now don't you fret none, kid. When Bayou Billy's done teachin' ya, you'll be able to track down your dog's fleas."
A short while later, Billy and Kevin were above ground again. "Now, first thing ya gotta learn about trackin' in the bayou is that footprints don't float. So you gotta look for other signs, like these here broken tulips. Your dog was here, mmm,...I'd say about an hour ago." "Well, then we've got to hurry!" Kevin said. Billy grabbed Kevin. "Hey, hey! Not so fast! Never travel in the bayou without first getting some power items."
Billy walked over to a tree and got a whip out from under it. Suddenly, a buzzard flew toward them. "Billy! Look out!" Kevin yelled. The buzzard swooped down. Billy ducked. "Let me show you how we do it in the bayou." Billy walked towards Kevin. The buzzard flew forward. Billy whipped it, and it broke into pieces. "See? Nothin' to it." Just then, a big frog-creature came out of the swamp. Billy and Kevin backed away, shocked. Kevin faced Billy. "Phew. Good thing I've got my Power Pad." "Jumpin' won't do you no good against Frog Man." "Why not?" The Frog Man jumped close to them. "That's why." Billy said. Kevin wrapped the whip around a tree branch. The Frog Man advanced. "Billy! Help!" Kevin yelled. "You're doin' just fine, kid." Kevin pulled on the whip. The branch broke and landed on the Frog Man's head. The Frog Man fell over, then jumped away. Bayou Billy laughed. "Nice move, kid! Nice move!" He shoved Kevin forward a bit. Kevin hopped on some rocks across the swamp. "Thanks. Can we go find Duke now?" "Don't rush it, kid. You still gotta learn about this here bayou."
Billy jumped on some rocks to the other side of the swamp. Kevin landed on an alligator. It rose, knicking Kevin over.
Billy was cooking something in a pot. He offered Kevin to have some. Kevin took his spoon and got a little skeleton on the spoon. He opened his mouth in surprise.
Billy knocked on a tree. A hand gave him a first-aid kit.
A bird swooped down. Kevin whipped it.
Kevin and Billy were walking in the swamp. A snake dropped in and swam up to them. Kevin grabbed it and pulled it. It began to glow a bit.
Billy sailed his motorboat through the swamp. "Looks like you're gonna make one jim-dandy swampsman." Billy stopped the boat at the shore. "Well, come on, Billy. We gotta find Duke now." Kevin said. "Sorry, kid. I can't come with you. Gotta rustle up some poachers." Billy replied.
Mother Brain was watching Kevin wave to Billy. She laughed. "So, Bayou Billy thinks he's taught him everything there is to know about the swamp, does he? Well, we'll see if Captain N can handle my little swamp creature. Is it ready, Dr. Wily?" "Any second now, Mother Brain." the evil scientist replied. Lightning struck the tower, and it flowed into the covered creature. The creature rose. "Oh, it's so horrible! Only a Mother Brain could love it. I love it!" "It's genetically programmed for only one - " wheeze " - purpose - to destroy Captain N! Into the bayou warp zone!" Dr. Wily commanded. The creature ran towards the warp zone and disappeared in a flash of light.
In the swamp, the creature rose from the water. "Captain N!!!"
"Kevin! Can you hear me?!" Lana called. "I think something horrible has happened to him." "Oh, dear me. You really think so? How dreadful." Simon looked at the tracks on the ground with a magnifying glass. "Hmm,...those are definitely Duke's pawprints." Lana followed Simon. "Once my keen tracking skills lead me to him, the mutt will lead us straight to Kevin." Simon walked into a tree and fell down on his butt. He pointed up. "Ah-ha! I found him! The clever cur is up that tree." He climbed up the tree. "But Simon, dogs don't climb trees!" Lana called. Simon got on a branch. "They don't?" He stopped when he saw a mountain lion in the magnifying glass. It roared and knocked Simon off the tree. Simon screamed. The mountain lion prepared to jump on him. "Simon! Look out!" Lana yelled. Simon whipped up over the branch and tied up the lion. He laughed. "It's a good thing for you I'm an animal lover. Now scoot, before I change my mind and make fur underwear out of you." He released the lion. It ran off. Lana walked over to him. "Some tracker you are." "An honest mistake. Mountain lions are related to dogs, you know." "They're related to cats." Lana corrected. "Ah-ha. I always suspected Duke was part cat." "Oh, brother." Lana moaned. "From now on, I'll do the tracking. Kevin! Duke!" As they left the swamp, the Swamp Creature came out of the water.
Elsewhere, Duke swam out of the swamp. He shook himself off and barked. He saw a snake. The snake tried to strike, but Duke avoided it. He bit the snake by the tail and threw it.
Kevin arrived at the spot later and saw the prints. "Oh, no. Duke tangled with a snake. Oh, I hope he's okay. Duke, here boy."
Back at the swamp, Eggplant Wizard was searching around. "There's nothing around here. Do you see anything, King Hippo?" King Hippo walked out of the swamp. Eggplant Wizard was on his shoulders. "Naw, there's nothin' under the water. Let's check that way." He dropped Eggy, causing vegetables to pop out of the wizard. "Ooh..." Eggy let out. They found a poorly-disguised boat. "Look. An airboat." Eggplant Wizard said. King Hippo jumped into it. It broke in half. "Whoa! Aw, we won't get anywhere in this piece of junk." "I've got an idea."
"This is the stupidest idea you ever dreamed up!" King Hippo said. The motor and seat were attached to him, and he was floating in the water. The Eggplant Wizard was sitting on the hippo boat. "If we don't take care of Captain N, Mother Brain will brain us. Here goes nothin'." Eggy started the engine. They took off in the swamp. "Hey! This is terrific!" Eggy said. "Look out!" Hippo yelled. They missed a rock. "Hah! Missed it." Eggy said. King Hippo yelled. The Eggplant Wizard pointed. "Look! There he is. Let's mow him down." Kevin saw them. "Whoa!" He dove out of the way. He came up from the water. "Huh?" He saw an alligator. "Sorry I don't have time to stay for supper." He used his Power Pad to jump. "Whoa!" He grabbed a vine, landed on the alligator's back, and swung the vine into the mouth for "handles". "An alligator jet-ski. What a concept!" He pressed a button and took off. "He's gettin' away!" Eggy yelled. Kevin jumped over a log. "All right!" King Hippo went through it and screamed. They went through some high grass. Kevin then jumped over a blue snake. King Hippo hit it. Kevin steered around a rock. The others hit it. "Oh! Ooh! I'm gonna scramble your eggplant when I get my gloves on you!" King Hippo yelled. Kevin rode away.
Lana saw footprints. "They're Kevin's footprints, all right." She walked over to Simon. "Speaking of footprints, it's a crime to mistreat such beautiful feet." Simon said. "These cute little devils." He kissed his toes. "Yuck!" Lana said, disgusted. "Can't you ever think of anyone but yourself?" Simon stood up. "I'm sorry, Your Cuteness. You're absolutely right. I should be thinking more about you." The Swamp Creature roared. The creature tried to claw Simon. He dodged it and ran out of the swamp. Simon saw a rock and grabbed it with his whip. He spun it around. "To the sun!" He threw it into the creature's mouth. "Chew on that for a while!". Lana and Simon ran away. "And don't forget to brush." Simon added. He then felt a pain in his right leg and held it in his hands. "Ah. Ooh! Ah! Yow! Ooh!" The Swamp Creature ate a tree branch, then chased Simon and Lana. "Captain N!" "You've got the wrong guy. I'm Simon Belmont. If you promise not to eat me, I'll take you to Captain N." Lana looked back at him. "Simon!"
Mother Brain watched as the Swamp Creature chased them. Simon pushed Lana behind him and took the lead. "There's a warp zone just ahead." Lana said.
King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard came out of the tree. "Ha, ha. You're not gettin' away that easy." "You wouldn't want our slimy friend to miss his lunch, would you?" Eggy laughed. The creature advanced on them, roaring. King Hippo grabbed Simon, and Eggplant Wizard grabbed Lana. They tried to escape, but couldn't. The Swamp Creature advanced on them more. Kevin, standing on a tree, tried to zap it once, but missed. The creature dove. "Kevin!" Lana yelled. They were dragged off. Kevin jumped down to the ground. He looked around. Kevin scratched his head with his Zapper and walked forward. "Let 'em go, or there's gonna be french fried eggplant and hippo burgers for everyone." Eggplant Wizard jumped out behind Kevin and made a vine appear, which tied Kevin up. "Hey!" Kevin yelled. The creature prepared to move in for the kill, but Billy drove in between them. "Billy!" Kevin called. The creature pulled the truck towards the swamp, then ripped the top off the truck and chewed on it. "Hey, kid! I found your mutt!" Bayou Billy said with a smile. Duke barked and jumped out of the truck, followed by Billy. Duke ran to Kevin. "Duke! You're okay!" Kevin said. Duke barked. "Don't let 'em get away." King Hippo said. Billy jumped in front of him. "If I were you, I'd be worried about myself." The creature was standing on a log. Kevin walked over and aimed, but the creature splashed water at Kevin, short-circuiting his Zapper. "Oh, great, my Zapper's got swamp duct in it." Eggplant Wizard was throwing vegetables at Bayou Billy. Billy stopped them all with his whip. Billy turned and looked at Kevin. "Forget the Zapper. Get the Crash Star!" "But I can't. The Swamp Creature's blocking it." The star was behind the creature in a tree's knothole. "Sure you can, kid. Just remember what I taught ya." Kevin jumped and grabbed a branch. He swung forward and onto Billy's truck. He jumped and then grabbed a snake to swing forward to get in front of the knothole. Kevin grabbed the star. "Got it!" All the alligators, snakes, and the Swamp Creature advanced on Kevin. Kevin threw the star at the Swamp Creature. The Swamp Creature looked surprised and disappeared. The star then bounced on three snakes, finishing them off. "Whoa! Let's get outta here!" King Hippo yelled. He and the Eggplant Wizard ran as the star chased them. Simon got a matador's cape out and waited by the warp. "Toro! Toro! Oh, I mean 'Hippo! Hippo!'" Hippo and Eggy dove into the warp. "Olé!"
Mother Brain saw this. They fell in with some mud and landed on Mother Brain. "You incompetent puke-brains! You've ruined everything!" Mother Brain yelled. The Crash Star flew in and gave off beams of light. Mother Brain, King Hippo, Eggplant Wizard, and Dr. Wily disappeared. "When I re-digitalize, I'm going to de-digitalize you two - for good!"
Later that evening, in the bayou...
Loafer was sitting next to Simon with his arm around him. "This isn't fair, Your Highness." Simon said. "But I promised you a candlelight dinner, Simon, and I always keep my promise." Lana said. "Thanks again for helping us out, Billy." "And for teaching me about the bayou." Kevin added. "My pleasure." Billy said. Duke chased a frog into a hole under a tree. "I just wish you could've taught Duke to stop chasing things." Kevin said. "Oh, no! Where does that warp zone lead to?" "That's no warp zone." Bayou Billy said. "That there's the entrance to Loafer's nest." Duke ran out as some young alligators walked after him, smiling. "I think Duke's finally learned his lesson." Kevin said with a smile. Duke jumped into Kevin's lap and covered his head with his paws, a terrified look on his face.