"THE MISSING LINK"
KELLY LEA HARRIS
EDITED AND HTMLIZED BY
Original air dates:
Friday, November 24, 1989
Friday, December 1, 1989
If a day can go wrong, it will go wrong. If something can go wrong with that wrong, it will go wrong. Rule number one about Murphy's Law is that Murphy was an optimist. This was a perfect day, and thus probably the most susceptible to Murphy's Law. No one could ask for a more perfect day. The sun was shining, the flowers were in bloom, the birds were singing, even the walls of the castle looked cheery. In the center of the courtyard was Princess Zelda, picking the blossoms from the ground and taking in their sweet scent occasionally. If it can go wrong, it will go wrong. The fountain close to Zelda suddenly exploded, sending the Princess flying several feet through the air. "Ahhh!" A portal of vastly infinite energy opened, and energized arrows rained out. Heads turned throughout the castle to the source of the noise - most importantly one man who only moments before was kneeling on the ramparts. Link. "Zelda!" he called out. He raced to the edge of the rampart, seeing a flood of moblins waltz out. He raced back to fetch his sword and shield. Whenever his beloved Princess was in trouble, it was assured he'd take the fastest route to her. In this case, over the wall, off the flag staff, onto the turf. With a thump, his feet on the ground, he immediately took out the nearest moblin with a shot from his Magical Sword. "Princess Zelda, are you all right?" he called over his shoulder. "I'm fine - " Zelda's answer was clipped. She ducked to avoid the streaming blue energy arrows. Link dashed over to place himself between Zelda and the moblins. Zelda picked herself up and raced to Link's side. "But Ganon's coming. I must get the Triforce to fight Ganon. You hold them here." She then pried Link's shield off his arm and ran to the donjon's base doorway, using the shield to deflect arrows aimed her way. "Hey!" Link called out. Energy arrows, coming close to their target (namely: him) drew his attention back to the fight. "Thanks heaps!" Without shield, Link found himself having to perform increasingly difficult acrobatic stunts just to avoid being hit. He managed to get off two shots before he took refuge behind a statue. On a high seat, carried by four stalfos, Ganon sat, looming in his evil. A quick flick of the wrist, and he deflected the sword bolts Link had sent in his direction with the wand he held. "Eliminate that heroic pest!" Ganon commanded. "I want Zelda. My new wand of power will allow me to send her to my Evil Jar!" Several moblins immediately stepped forward and cocked their bows. The energy bolts shot out from those bows rained over the courtyard...and practically destroyed the statue Link had been behind. He stared at the remains, his eyes about the size of dinner plates. "Hang on, Link!" Zelda's voice rang out. "I've got the Triforce." She raced down the stairs - minus shield, Link noted. The Triforce of Wisdom trailed behind on its chain, held in Zelda's hand. "And it's time to fight magic with magic." A barely visible crystalline ball appeared in Zelda's hand. She tossed the ball at Ganon. Though it fell short, the two moblins standing in front of Ganon promptly vanished. Ganon chuckled. "Very good, Princess. But not good enough." The wand in his hand was aimed right at the Princess. "Time to send you to my Evil Jar!" A bluish-green fireball leapt from the wand's tip, speeding to capture Zelda. "No!" Zelda shouted. Her hand came up, and a delicate-looking shield of whipping green energy spun out. The bluish-green fireball bounced right off, sending Zelda falling backwards, and the fireball flying in the other direction. "Blast!" Ganon's eyes shot open. "She deflected my power zap!" All eyes watched the fireball as it bounced around the walls of North Castle. One bounce sent it hurtling back down to the ground...aimed right at Link. "Oh, no..." Link said, more to himself than anyone else. Link tried jumping out of the way, and, as the fireball hit the spot he had been occupying only half a second before, it looked as if he escaped...but suddenly he stopped in mid-jump, screaming out in pain. "Waaaaaaaah!!! Ahhh!!!" The pain was so intense, he dropped his sword, as his own body lost solidity and shrunk into nothing. "Link! No!" Zelda cried out. That this should happen on her account - because of her even - devastated her. For long moments, everyone stared at the empty spot. "Well," Ganon broke the silence, "not quite what I planned, but good enough." Zelda spun to face him. "You will give me the Triforce, Princess." "Come and get it, Pigface!" Zelda brought her hand up, and the same crystalline ball she had used earlier appeared. Her demeanor told anyone interested that she would not hesitate to use it. "Oh, I could, but why work so hard?" Ganon gestured, and the stalfos carrying his litter turned and walked back to the portal still blazing behind him. "You will give me the Triforce, Princess..." "Oh, no." "...or you will never see your precious Link again!" The warp snapped shut, leaving only a burnt spot to mark where it had been. There was devastating silence. Zelda turned to where Link was zapped out of existence, and there was his sword, as if it was the only proof he had been real. She knelt before it, weeping. Only now did it occur to her that he might have been spared if she hadn't done what she had done. "Link. Oh, Link. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh...oh..." "Sheesh. You'd think I was destroyed or something." Zelda looked up. "Link?" She turned around, and, sure enough, Link was standing right behind her. "Link!" Relieved that she hadn't made the biggest blunder of her life, Zelda jumped up and dashed over to give Link the biggest of all hugs. But, to her shock, she passed right through Link. "Huh?" Link was looking at her with a lopsided grin. Zelda reached out, and her hands passed right through Link. "Wha...? I can see you,...but...I can't feel you." "A drag, I know." Link held up a hand to further explanation. "I've seemed to gotten a bit ghostly after that zap of Ganon's." Zelda snapped her fingers. "The zap, of course! All that bouncing around it did must have weakened it before it hit you. Oh, it got your body, but not your spirit!" "Goodness!" a high-pitched voice proclaimed. "What a mess. I guess Ganon was here. Where's Link, Princess?" "Why, right here. Can't you see him?" Zelda gestured to where Link was standing. The little fairie looked around. "No. Is he hiding?" "I'm right here." Link said to Spryte. Spryte spun around to the direction of Link's voice. "Oh! Huh?" She faced Zelda. "Where did he go? I heard him, but I don't see him." "That's strange." Zelda's hand came up to her thinking pose. "I wonder if I'm the only one who can see him." "That'd be your lucky day, Princess." Link came over to place his hands on Zelda's shoulders and give her a kiss. "That's not what I'd call it." Zelda maneuvered her way out of Link's path. Caught in the air, he continued on past her until he finally came down with an audible thump. Zelda flinched, watching Link hit the ground. "We've got to get your body back from Ganon." "Don't tell me you only love me for my body! Huh?" Link's attention turned from Zelda to his sword, which he was finding impossible to pick up. He kept trying, but each pass sent his hands through the sword. "Love you? Ha!" Zelda had the most insulted look on her face. "It's just that, without your body, you're even more useless than usual." "Hmmm. Maybe he'll be blessed." Spryte said from where she had perched herself on top of the Triforce of Wisdom. "Now that would be a blessing." Zelda pointed back to the donjon. "Take the Triforce back to the vault, will you, Spryte?" Spryte complied and hefted the Triforce's chain over her shoulder, heading back to the Triforce's vault combination Link's room. "I can't pick up my sword, and Ganon's got my body. What am I going to do?" Zelda calmly walked over and retrieved Link's sword. "Only thing we can do." Zelda spun the sword, gunslinger-style, and inserted the sword through her belt. "Get it back." "My heroic Princess." Link approached her. "Kiss me." "Oh, shut up." Zelda held up a hand, absolutely repulsed by Link's suggestion. "Let's go." Link plodded behind her, defeated look and all.
The Labyrinths of Death Mountain were dark and lonely. Standing in the largest hall was the infamous Evil Jar. The occupants of the Evil Jar were huddled around one spot in the wreathing pink gas. A circle of moblins, with the malevolent Ganon at one end, had in its center a green-clad man. One moblin was shaking him furiously. "It no use. He not wake up." "Hmmm..." The pig furrowed what passed as his eyebrows. "Still, it matters little. Awake or asleep, until the Triforce is mine, the Princess will never see her pest hero again!"
Link and Zelda slowly advanced through the underworld. Seeing one's shadow, but not the other's, was a little unusual. The torches danced Zelda's shadow off the walls as they picked and chose their path carefully. Zelda stepped cautiously over the threshold of a doorway. The moment she was through, it slammed shut right in Link's face. Panicking, Zelda rushed for the door handle, yanking back with all her might. "Uh...oh, the door won't open." Zelda leaned to the door, hoping she might be able to hear Link through it. "Link. Link, can you hear me? Link!" The spirit in question simply walked through the wall behind her. "You don't have to shout." "Oh!" Zelda spun around, whipping Link's sword at whatever danger laid there. Link had to step back to avoid the blade's point. She stopped when she realized who the voice's owner was. "Oh! Don't do that!" Link closed one eye and imitated what Zelda had done with his sword. "You swing that sword like a girl!" "I am a girl." Zelda growled. "Yes, I've noticed." Link's eyes fell down to indicate what he meant, pausing at right about chest level. "Oooohhhh! Even when you're a ghost, you're disgusting!" Zelda marched off angrily. Link had to double time just to keep up. "Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess! Just trying to keep my spirits up. A, heh, heh." They walked farther along. A group of skeletons jumped out of hiding. "Uh-oh, look out. Stalfos. Stay back, Princess. I'll handle these boneheads." Link raced ahead at full steam. "No, you won't, dummy. You're a ghost." Link ground his heels into the floor, coming to a stop as the stalfos passed right through him. "Oops, I forgot." As the ground was eaten up under approaching stalfo feet, Zelda bounded off the floor, landing neatly at the top of a nearby staircase. "Yoohoo, looking for me?" she teased them. Raising Link's sword in one hand, a powerful bold of energy leapt from the blade, knocking Zelda off her feet. The bolt sailed over the stalfos' heads, right at Link. Link twisted his entire spirit body to avoid getting hit. Regaining his balance, Link looked at Zelda with pure panic on his face. "No! No! You've gotta aim!" Link dashed up to Zelda when she blasted a stalfo who had raced up the stairs. She had again knocked herself off her feet. "You're doing it wrong. Two hands for a beginner." He demonstrated the technique while Zelda shoved another stalfo off her person. "Hey, I zapped one, didn't I?" Zelda only had enough time to jump up out of the way of the stalfo's blow. "You were lucky. Look out!" Link could only stand there in the darkened corridor as Zelda twisted away from the stalfos. The stalfos tumbled over each other, giving Zelda the time she needed to aim and shoot them. He was pleased to see that this time she did use two hands. "One's going to grab you!" he warned. The warning came too late, and Zelda was left struggling to get out of the stalfo's grasp. "Uh! Uh-oh! Oh!" She glanced up. "Don't give me that look, Link! Just do something, will you?" What she expected an intangible ghost to do... "Link?" The stalfo looked around. "Where? Where is he?" "Right here!" Link said from behind the stalfo. "Ahhhhh!!!" The stalfo shrieked and covered his ears, dropping Zelda and running away from the source of Link's voice. The stalfo ran for the stairs, but a bolt from Zelda's two-handed aim vanquished him. "Ha! Takes care of them." Zelda stuck the sword back in her belt. Link walked up with one hand behind his back and the other wagging a finger in the air, very imitative of what her father was want to do. "Pretty shabby swordplay, Princess." "Huh?" Zelda stared. "Well, you aren't much help." Link frowned. "Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess! I happen to be a ghost at the moment!" In a lower tone that always warned Zelda of what's coming up next: "However, I did save you again back there. How 'bout a kiss?" A thought occurred to her. "Ah! Why, sure." Link acquired a pleased look to his face. "Ah!" He stood still, awaiting the kiss to be planted on him. Zelda advanced, lips ready for kissing. She passed right through Link. "Ah, shoot! It doesn't work!" Link exclaimed. "What a shame." Zelda said before passing back through his body. "Let's go get your body!" "So you can kiss me?" Link asked hopefully as he ran behind the Princess. "Ha! No way! You missed your chance!" "Oh, well, there'll be other chances." After a short pause: "Say, I wonder why you're the only one who can see me." "Just my bad luck, I guess." "Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess!"
"So, the foolish Princess is attempting a rescue, is she?" Ganon's voice asked from inside the Evil Jar. This time, it was a ring of stalfos gathered around Ganon and Link's body. "Yes, and Link is with her." "What?" Ganon shook his head. "Impossible. Link is right there!" The stalfo raised his hands in pleadance. "I heard his voice, Evilness. And Zelda seemed to be able to see him, though I could not." Ganon snapped his fingers, vanished from the pink interior, and appeared in front of the jar, in front of the Triforce of Power. "Blast!" he exclaimed. "That must be the explanation. I captured only Link's body. His spirit stayed behind!" He thought for a few moments. "But one thing puzzles me. Why would Zelda be able to see him? Why, she could only do that if...no. No, im-impossible." "What is it, Evilness?" the stalfo asked from inside the Evil Jar. Ganon looked up to where the stalfo floated inside the pink gasses of the Evil Jar. "Why, Zelda could only be able to see Link if...if she was in love with him! Zelda in love with Link? Oh, how disgusting!" On a balcony above the Evil Jar, Link faced Zelda. "Sooooooo!" "Now don't get the wrong idea, buster!" An extraordinarily pleased and conceded look donned on Link's face. "You love me, huh?" It really wasn't a question. "Oh, I do not!" "Yes, you do, yes, you do! That's why you can see me!" He was rather childish-sounding. "No,...I mean..." Zelda paused. "Maybe just a little." Link jumped up onto the balcony. His voiced boomed over the interior of the chamber. "Zelda loves me! Zelda loves me!" Zelda reached up to pull Link down by his legs, but of course it didn't work, as her arms just passed right through his legs, though she did try several times. "Shut up, you idiot! They'll hear you!" "Zelda loves me! Zelda loves me!" Ganon's attention had been drawn to the balcony upon Link's proclamation. "They're here!" He snapped back around to face the Evil Jar, raising his hands to summon his army. "Come here, my servants! Now!" His laughter crackled through the chamber as his men rushed forward. "Now you've done it." Zelda scolded Link. "Here they come." "No problem, Princess." Link reassured Zelda. "They can't see me, remember?" "Yes, but the can see me!" "Just hold them a while." Link leapt over the side of the balcony, leaving the Princess of Hyrule alone. "Thanks heaps!" she unknowingly echoed what Link had said earlier. Link forced himself to fall through one of Ganon's two tapestries, slowing his fall to a controllable rate. The tapestry even felt evil, but it was quickly forgotten as Link passed through the coming onslaught of moblins. Quickly he was gone, even from Zelda's view. Having been left in a most undesirable position, Zelda leapt from the balcony, using a torch stand to swing herself to a better position. The torch stand fell over, lighting the tapestries on fire. "Get her, get her!" Ganon chortled. From inside the Evil Jar, Link looked out. "It's going to be a hot time tonight!" He pushed himself off the base of the Evil Jar, floating up and disappearing into the pink interior. The farther in he went, the stranger the gasses appeared, flowing from pink to purple to finally blue. Floating above him in a swirling mass of pink turned blue was one spot of brown and green.
Outside the Evil Jar, Zelda was trying her best to hold off the moblins. Even two-handed, she found most of her shots just passing right by the monsters. "This is harder than I thought." One moblin was hit squarely in the chest, vanishing back to the Evil Jar. "Ha! That's better!"
Out of the swirling mists, one stalfo advanced, reaching for the green that sat atop Link's head. "Ohhhhh, nice hat." Link's eyes opened. "Ha! I'm back!" "Ahhhhhhhh!!!" the stalfo shrieked. Before he could retreat back to the mists, his rib cage armor was grabbed by Link's hands. "Give me a bomb, bonehead." Link demanded. "Now!" The stalfo shivered violently and very noisily in Link's hands. One hand came up, holding a bomb. Link stared at it momentarily, almost in unbelief of how easy that had been.
Zelda continued shooting at the advancing moblins, but she found herself in increasing danger. Her back was now to the burning tapestries. Two moblins rushed in from the sides, grabbing Princess Zelda. "Ahhhh! Uh! Ah! Uh!" "Ha! I have you now!" Ganon said. Though, technically speaking, it was the moblins that had her. "No, you don't, Pigface!" Link bellowed. Ganon spun, hearing Link from somewhere behind him. "Huh?" He had turned just in time to see a pink explosion decimate the top of the Evil Jar. Glass shards flew everywhere. Burning pink flow gushed out of the remains of the Evil Jar, with Link ridding skier style atop, quickly overtaking Ganon and the moblins. "Yahoo!" "I'll get you, Link!" Ganon yelled as the pink flow took him farther away. "I'll get youuuuuuuuuuu!!!" Link leapt off the pink flow, landing in front of Zelda and the four moblins still around her. "Link!" Zelda cheered, happy to see him back in his body. She drop-kicked his sword back to him, which Link caught with ease. "Ha!" Almost as if to insult, Link two-handed his sword and blasted the two moblins closest to him. While the moblins holding onto Zelda were looking at where their comrades had stood only seconds before, they were blasted by two more two-handed blasts. "Take that!" "Ahh!" Struggling up to the point that the moblins vanished, Zelda fell forward. "Boy, I'm good." Link said as he stepped forward to help Zelda up. "No wonder you love me." "Don't get a swelled head." Zelda chided. "I just like you a little, that's all." The remains of the Evil Jar started a low humming. Blue energy bolts shot out everywhere from the broken top. It was vibrating, and energy bolts shook the entire underworld, causing the structures to fall. Link shoved Zelda just as a piece of the ceiling came down where they were at moments before. "We'll argue about it later! C'mon!" He pulled Zelda behind him out of the crumbling chamber.
Link helped Zelda out of the hole in the courtyard created by the falling underworld structures. He looked at her rather frankly. "Well, love me or not, I did save you back there. Kiss me." "Well,...okay." Zelda sighed. "A quick little kiss, but remember: this doesn't mean anything." "'Course not." They leaned in close to each other, lips ready to contact,...when the edge of the hole Link was perched on crumbled beneath him, sending him back in. "Waaaaaah!" "Link!" Zelda called out in surprise. She looked in, down at him. "Are you all right?" Link pulled himself up to his shoulders back out of the hole. "Ohhhhhhh, this always happens." he complained. Zelda laughed.