"THE QUACK HEARD ROUND THE WORLD"
Saturday, March 29, 1997, 10:35 AM
Two warps opened in the living room, and Mike Rohm and Mandi Paugh exited them. The warps closed. "Hey, guys." Mark greeted. "Hey." Mandi replied. "Sup g's? Why you call my ass in, foo? You know I be too busy fo' dis shit." Mike noted. "Have a seat." Mark told them. "What if I refuse? What if I just stand here and disobey? What will you do, punk?! Huh?! Huh?!" Mike threatened Mark. Mark pointed at the couch. "Sidown!" Mike and Mandi sat down on the couch by the window. "Okay, guys, we gotta get some new members for the M Team," Mark told them, "seeing as the two former members, who shall remain nameless, don't like me anymore due to the stories I write." "Is either of them the jerk that thought we were going out?" Mandi asked. "No." Mark replied. "That jerk was someone that dirties the good name of Roll Light by using it as part of her 'Net name." Mark replied. "Oh." Mandi said. "So, who are your suggestions for replacements?" "Kelly Harris, Laurie Kelley, and Cynthia Chan." Mark said. Mike nodded. "Sounds good." "The problem is how we find them." Mark said. "I know Kelly lives in Pinetop-Lakeside, Arizona, Laurie lives in Muncie, Indiana, and Cyndi lives in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, but I don't know their addresses." Mike stood up. "Don't worry, I can find out." "You can?" Mark asked. "How?" Mandi asked. "Where there is a will, there is a way, Mandi-san. Worry not thy head, for I have a plan, and I'll follow through - that's what Brian Boitano would do." Mike cryptically answered.
The strobe lights cast upon them as they entered the disco club, making their bodies appear many different colors. The three people strode through the crowd of dancers, searching, all the while hearing the disco song playing on the stereo:
Went to a party the other night All the ladies were treating me right Moving my feet to the disco beat, How in the world could I keep my seat?
"Mike, are you sure about this?" Mandi asked. "Sure, I'm sure." Mike raised his right arm high. "Do you think I'd be doing this if I wasn't sure? O' ye of little faith, why dost thou doubt?" "How'd you find out Kelly's here?" Mark asked. "I called up my friend at the psychic hotline. I get free readings!" Mike said, a confident smile on his face. "That's your source?" Mandi asked in disbelief. "Look, either you have faith, man, or you fall." Mike said. "An example: The other day, I called up and asked what exactly I should do with my day. My friend replied that I should stay indoors, lest I get hit by a train. Now, despite the fact that there are no trains within miles of me, I followed his advice anyway and stayed indoors. Wouldn't you know it? I am still alive today. You can't argue with compelling logic like that, can you?" Mark pointed. "Look, there she is." Mark, Mike, and Mandi merrily made their way over to Kelly Harris, who was dancing. "Kelly?" Mark asked. Kelly stopped dancing and faced them. "Yeah?" "Hi, I'm Mark Moore." Mark introduced himself. "The Captain N dude?" Kelly asked. "Yep." Mark said. "What the hell are you doing here?" Kelly asked. "Warp zone." Mark replied. "Yeah, right." Kelly said. "Seriously." Mark insisted. "We want you to join the M Team?" "The M Team?" "These are Michael Lee Rohm and Miranda Leigh Paugh." Mark introduced. "Guys, this is Kelly Lea Harris." Kelly extended her hand to each. "Pleased to meet ya'll." Mike bowed low, took Kelly's hand in his, kissed it softly, and mumbled something in a bad French accent. Kelly giggled and smiled, but unfortunately, no one was fooled by his ruse. "So, Kelly, what are you doing in a place like this?" Mandi asked. "I swear I've looked all over this town. This is th' only club that doesn't play country music." Kelly replied. "Oh. So, wanna join?" Mark offered. "We can go to Videoland." Kelly grinned. "Do I get to meet Link?" Mark smiled. "Sure." "Mirabile visu." Kelly said. The five of them made their way into a bathroom, away from the dancers. Mark took a warp zone opener out of his pocket. He opened a warp. "Somebody whack me with a shovel. I think I just died and gone t' Star Trek!" Kelly said. They entered the warp, and it closed.
"This place looks a lot like the last one we were in." Mandi observed. She and the other members of the M Team were walking through a club in Muncie, Indiana. Disco Duck was playing in the background.
All of a sudden, I began to change. I was on the dance floor, acting strange. Flapping my arms, I began to cluck. Look at meeeee, I'm the Disco Duck.
"Yeah, it kinda does." Kelly looked around. "Weird..." "Hey, is that her?" Mike asked. He pointed to a tall girl with shoulder-length, slightly messy, gold-brown hair with blonde highlights. She wore a light-blue vest over a white T-shirt, jean pants, white sneakers with white socks that looked like they've been pushed down instead of folded down, and tinted glasses. She was leaning against a wall, playing a Game Boy. A blue cartridge was in the cartridge slot of the Game Boy. "Most likely." Mark answered. The group walked up to the girl. "Excuse me, are you Laurie Kelley?" Mandi asked the girl. The girl looked up from her game. "Why?" She looked at Mark and Mandi. "I've seen you two somewhere..." Mark smiled. "I'm Mark Moore, these are Mandi Paugh, Mike Rohm, and Kelly Harris." Laurie stared at each of them. "No...bloody...way..." "I'll explain how we found you later." Mark smiled at her. "You have been chosen to become an M Team member. If you want to, that is. We can take you to Videoland, and you can meet your creations. So, how about it?" "Sure!!!" Laurie's shout made the group cover their ears in pain. "Not so friggin' loud!" Mark growled. "Heheh, sorry." Laurie rubbed the back of her neck, chuckling. "So, uh,...will I getta see Growlithes and Vulpixes when I get there?" "Sorry," Mark looked at her, "those haven't been introduced to Videoland yet." "Aww, man!" Laurie frowned, then smiled. "Oh, well, I'll getta see them when the time's right!" Mandi smiled. "So, shall we get going?" Everyone in the group nodded. Laurie led them outside and into an old shed behind a nearby house. Mark took out his warp zone opener and opened a warp. "What the bloody heck?" Laurie stared at the warp. Mark smiled. "I know you know what that is, Laurie." "I...don't...believe...this..." Laurie stared at the warp. "Well, let's go." Mike smiled. "Ladies first!" "Thank you." Mandi walked through the warp, followed by Kelly. Laurie looked nervously at the warp, then took a few steps back, then ran toward the warp. "Groooooooooooooowwwwwwllllll!!!!!!" she howled as she leapt into the warp. "Show-off!" Mike jumped into the warp after Laurie. Mark smiled, shook his head, and followed the others through the warp, which closed after them.
The five of them walked into yet another disco club. "What the hell?" Kelly asked. "Is everybody at a disco club today?" They made their way through the crowd of dancers.
Try your luck; Don't be a cluck. Disco, Disco, Disco, Disco, Disco, Disco, Disco, Disco Duck.
"You think we'll find her?" Mandi asked. "I hope so." Mark said. "If Captain N and her N Team can save Videoland, our M Team should have enough members to cause serious wackiness in Videoland." Someone overheard the entire conversation, and as the group started to walk away, she strode over to them and tapped Mark on the shoulder. "So, I hear that you were talking about Captain N and Videoland?" she asked him. "Well, yeah." said the man. "Are you a fan?" "Turn around, Mark." Mike said. "Don't you recognize her face?" Mark turned around and gasped. "Cynthia?" "Yes, and you must be Mark Moore!" she cried out. "What are you doing here in Canada?" "We're looking for you." Mark replied. "What brings you here?" Cynthia asked. "Warp zone." was his answer. Cynthia laughed. She blushed when she saw that no one else was laughing with her. "Sorry, I couldn't help it." "We're serious." Mike crossed his arms. "We want you to join the M Team. Me, Michael Lee Rohm, Miranda Leigh Paugh, Kelly Lea Harris, and Laurie Allyson Kelley are on it." Mark gestured to all these friends of his. "Everyone, this is Cynthia Chan, the author of her own Captain N continuation!" They exchanged greetings. "So, would you like to join us?" Mark asked again. Cynthia paled in shock. "No way!" "Yes way!" "You're kidding?" "Nope." "What will my family say?" "Nothing...if you don't tell them. Don't worry, you'll be safe." Cynthia nodded. "Good. All right, then, I'll go!" "Great!" The six of them made their way into a bathroom, away from the dancers. Mark took a warp zone opener out of his pocket. He opened a warp. They entered the warp, and it closed.
The warp opened, and Mark, Mike, Mandi, Kelly, Laurie, and Cyndi exited it. The warp closed. They were in the N Team's living room. Laurie stared at the others, then at herself, in shock. "And I thought the warp was weird..." "This is awesome. I think I actually look better than when I'm live-action." Kelly looked at Mark. "Hey, didn't you say Videoland was going to polygon models?" Soon, Lana, Samus, Rick, Mike, Stacey, and Kevin walked into the room. "Hey, guys." Lana greeted with a smile. "Hey, Lana." Mark replied. "Oh, who are your new friends?" Stacey asked. "These are Kelly Lea Harris, Laurie Allyson Kelley, and Cynthia Chan, the newest members of the M Team." Mark introduced. "Kelly, Laurie, these are Lana Sarah Deschain, Samus Aran, Richard Edward Walker, Mike Vincent, Stacey Lynn Anderson, and Kevin Kristopher Keene. Lana is Captain N: The Game Master, the leader of the N Team." Stacey waved. "Hi." "Uh,...hi!" Laurie smiled at Stacey, still not believing what was happening. "I'd say 'hi', but at my height, that would be an overstatement. Pleased to finally meet ya'll." Kelly said. "Hello." Cynthia said. "Well, now that you're here, what do you wanna do?" Samus asked. "Well, if you were in Videoland and wanted to 'get down', what would you do?" Mike asked the group. Everyone shrugged their shoulders, unsure. "Come on, you dorks! I'm talkin' about a disco club!" "Oh, yeah." Lana said. "There's this place; it's called the Sandbar. It lets sixteen-year-old kids drink." "Aw, cool." Mike said. A loud "Yeah!" of approval from M. Vincent shook everyone up. "Let's go, then, yes?" Mike asked.
Everybody was disco dancing at the Sandbar in Discoland and having a great time. Just then, Dr. Li Shiroshi, Link Chance, and Kristen and Heather Shallowayne walked into the club. Kelly's eyes looked ready to pop out. "Okay, whoever invited him,...Gaaauuud bleeessss yooouuuu! If you guys will pardon me." She walked over to the Hylian's side. "Rinku, you're taller than I expected." "And you are..." Link prompted. "Kelly Harris." Kelly said. "You've prob'ly read my episodes that were uploaded t' VIN by now." Link nodded. "I have, including the ones where you've highlighted the holes in my memory." "Don't stress about it, trust me." Link got a sly look on his face. "Hey, would you be able to tell me - " "If it's about you and Zerudahime," Kelly interrupted, "forget her. Work on your current girlfriend." She winked. Then Kelly got a sly look on her face. "You wanna dance, Rinku?" Link looked aside. "Isn't the guy suppose to ask that?" He shrugged. "Oh well." They moved back into the dance floor and started dancing. "Li?" Laurie walked up to the young doctor. "Do I know you?" Li looked at the young woman strangely. "Not unless Mark Moore's told you about me." Laurie smiled and extended her hand. "I'm Laurie Kelley, one of the new members of the M Team. I'm the one that introduced you into the Captain N series." Li shook Laurie's hand. "You mean you're my creator?" "Well, I wouldn't go quite that far, but yeah, sorta." Laurie looked around. "Is there a relatively quiet place we can go to talk? There're a lotta things I'd like to discuss with you." Li nodded. "Follow me." She led Laurie away from the main area of the club.
When the music stopped, I returned to my seat, But there's no stoppin' a duck and his beat. So I got back up to try my luck. Why look,
Everybody's doin' the Disco, Disco Duck, Disco, Disco Duck.
Suddenly, Mike's pocket PC beeped, and he dramatically pulled it from his pocket, eager to show it off to everyone so that they will all be really impressed. Tapping in his name and password, Mike watched some e-mails download into his inbox. "Hmmm,..." he muttered to himself. "From Robert, from John,...oh, wow, 'Come See Me and My Girlfriend In Erotic Positions'!" he exclaimed, prompting everyone to look at him, quizzical looks on their faces. Mike blushed. "Er,...um,...man,...I hate spam..." he feebly attempted to explain. "All you have to do is post a couple messages to fine Christian newsgroups, and then this porno is all over you - sick!!!" The others just rolled their eyes. "And...what is this? Hey, Mark." Mike called out. "Who is email@example.com? Some dorky friend of yours?" Mark glanced over to Mike and shook his head. "Nope, dude. No friend of mine." "Uh-oh, dudes, I think there may be trouble. Come here, everyone!" The entire M Team gathered around Mike, looking at his pocket PC. "'Dear M, Team,'" Mike began to read, "'you have made a fool of me for the last time. By the time you read this mail, I will have put my finishing touches on a machine that will make the M Team disappear for good!!' Hmm, this message has an attachment on it." Mike noted, scrolling down to load it up. It was a .wav file of the doctor, cackling like mad. An evil, empty, hollow laugh. The M team shuddered. "What if Dr. Wily decides to attack?" Mandi asked. "Well, if Dr. Wily is serious, then serious measures must be taken by us as well." Mike pointed out. Reaching into his pocket, he sifted through it for a few moments before drawing a small, silver AC/DC keychain. "No," Mike grumbled, tossing it aside, "this isn't it - a-ha!" Mike pulled out a small, cheap-looking necklace with a shiny medallion, which he put around his neck. Mike began to flap his arms, slowly at first, then increasing in tempo. Suddenly he exclaimed: "Flapping my arms, I begin to cluck!!" There was a POOF! of smoke, and when it had cleared, Mike no longer stood there, but, rather, an odd-looking figure - almost a Howard-the-Duck-looking creature - wearing a white leisure suit, still flapping its arms. "Look at meeeee,...I'm the Disco Duck!" It quacked a few times before finally settling down. "What the hell?!" Kelly asked. "Mike, what happened to you?!" Mark asked. "Yeah!" Cyndi added. "What? You guys have never seen a guy turn into a duck? What's the big deal?" Mike asked, surprised at their shock. "What's the big deal?!" Mandi asked in shock. "Dude, you're a freakin' duck! What the hell's going on?!" "Well," Mike began, "let me tell you what happened. A year back, I was playing 'Duck Tales' on my Nintendo emulator, when all of a sudden,...well, you guys know what happened to Kevin, right?" They all nodded. "The same thing happened to me. All of a sudden, I was sucked into my computer screen and wound up inside Magica Despell's castle in Disneyland (the one in Videoland, not the one in California). I was getting my bearings about me, and sorting some things out in my head, when I saw this really hot-looking woman. Sure, she was Magica Despell, and sure she looked like a duck, but hey, uniqueness endears me to a woman, not model-like looks." Everyone just rolled their eyes. Mike smirked. "Anyhow, I decided to approach her and try to win her over with some of my smooth lines, but she had other things in mind. She explained to me that she thought I was the worst Duck Tales player she had ever seen in her life and that she had sucked me into the game to put an end to my life for my lack of talent in video game-playing. I told her she could have just stopped the last sentence after 'me', but she didn't find that very amusing. A brawl ensued, and in the struggle, I managed to rip this," Mike held the necklace with the medallion up, so everyone could look at it, "from her pretty little neck, figuring that, once I beat her, I might as well steal some jewelry and pawn it off for mega bucks on Earth. Suddenly, I found myself back in my bedroom, except the medallion was still in my hand. It was only then, after careful investigation, that I realized it was about as valuable as those cheap plastic necklaces you get from the clucking hen machines at Wal-Mart, but it looked pretty. I found a small latch on the side of the medallion and, upon opening it, found a small scrap of paper, on which was written an incantation - in Enochian. A rough translation," Mike explained, "is what you just heard me recite in English." Kelly shrugged. "Sounds good to me." "What?!" everyone else demanded in unison. "Magic doesn't work, you dork!" Disco Duck simply sighed sagely. "Due to the unbelief of others, Jesus himself was unable to work miracles, and you are all draining valuable power." "What's next?" Mandi asked. "Well," Mike said softly, tapping a few keys on his pocket PC, "I just replied to his e-mail." "How do you know that Dr. Wily will be checking his e-mail?" Mandi asked. Mike turned to Mandi. "Why do you doubt? The Disco Duck knows all." "Well, if the Disco Duck knows all, why did you need to call the psychic hotline?" Mandi countered. "Well, I had to, basically. Let's face it - they're reliable and credible. Only cynical skeptics like yourselves doubt the true psychic ability of Dionne Warwick."
Meanwhile, back at Skull Castle... Dr. Wily was startled when a loud male voice boomed from his speakers: "You've got mail!" The evil scientist turned around, rubbing his hands together and grinning in that way that mad scientists tend to do. "A-ha, he did reply to my mail." he sneered upon recognizing Mike's e-mail address. Before he had a chance to read it, however, everything in the room shut down, except for the computer, although its screen blacked out. Suddenly, the pounding strains of disco music kicked on. Wily shrieked with horror! "You gotta be your judge and the jury, too." his speakers intoned, causing the mad scientist to nearly pass out. He stumbled towards the door out of his office. Suddenly, searchlights came on. Dr. Wily saw five people - four females and one male - standing in the light beams, each wearing a male Team Rocket uniform with a red M on the front of the shirt instead of an R. Dr. Wily stared at the group. "What the heck?" Laurie took two steps towards him and posed. "To protect Videoland from devastation!" Kelly also posed. "To unite all peoples within the nation!" Mark took a step forward and placed his left hand on his left hip. "To defend the beauty of truth and love!" Mandi got in a fighting pose. "To kick your butt up to the stars above!" The woman on the far left stated her name, followed by the person to the right of her. Each person said their name after the one to the left stated theirs. "Laurie!" "Kelly!" "Mark!" "Mandi!" "Cynthia!" After saying their names, they resumed their intro. Cynthia took two steps forward and posed. "The M Team blasts off at the speed of light!" "To destroy all evil and defend what's right!" the M Team shouted in unison. Disco Duck then jumped in front of the group. "Quack, quack!" Wily stepped back, his face ghost-white with horror as he met the billed, leisure-suited menace. "Who...who are you, you Howard-the-Duck-looking freak?! Are you the one who sent me this music? I want it off, now!! Please!!!" the evil scientist begged. Disco Duck merely laughed - no small feat for ducks - before doing a very bad British accent: "Hello, this is Paul McCartney of The Beatles. This is a fine, high-quality song." Anger suddenly flared in the scientist's eyes when he realized he would receive no mercy - nay, deserved none - from the disco onslaught, and moved to attack the Disco Duck! "Quick," Disco Duck yelled to everyone else, "get out of here!" "I know where you're going with this." Mark told him. "You feathered fre-" Wily began, before an almost unbearable-sounding quack began to resonate from Disco Duck's bill, shaking the very foundations of Skull Castle. "QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!" Outside, the M Team watched as the castle crumbled to the ground, as if an earthquake of Apocalyptic proportions had hit it. As the dust began to clear, the Disco Duck emerged from the ruins, victorious.
Later that night, at the Sandbar, Dazzle had been signed on to perform in celebration of the M Team's victory over Wily. No one knew if he had been killed or not, but there had been no mention of him throughout all of Videoland. Besides, they reasoned, who but Captain Trunk could truly survive that? In honor of the victory, Dazzle finished off their show with - what else? - 'Disco Duck'!