Heaven Help the Child Chapter 1"Daddy's baby, fussing and fretting. Keeping on getting it wrong. She can only last so long. She's going for a song so sing her a lullaby.... Swaddle and swing her. Sing her a lullaby." ---James Taylor--- "Woman what have you done?" ---Al Bundy--- *** Heaven Help the Child Chapter 1 What Have We Gotten Ourselves Into? By Raphaela It was one O'clock in the morning. Haruka laid her head on her crossed arms which rested on the side of the crib. Kaifuu was now six months old. Haruka found it too hard to believe. At least she was still a baby. When Hotaru was six months old, she had grown to about nine years. Kaifuu had been moved into her own room a few days ago. Before that, she had slept in a cradle at the foot of Haruka and Michiru's bed. Now Haruka found herself in this position several times a night. It was hard for her to sleep without Kaifuu in the same room. This wasn't a feeling that was unfamiliar to Haruka because she couldn't sleep well without Michiru either, but it was also different. She suddenly realized that Michiru was standing next to her. "You're in here again?", she whispered, "Don't you ever get any sleep?" Michiru hugged her lover and tried to gently pull the stronger woman away from the crib, but Haruka held firm. Michiru gave up and joined her in gazing at the sleeping infant. "She's beautiful, Michiru." "You say that every night." Michiru smiled at the emotions Kaifuu was evoking in Haruka. She had not been like this when Hotaru was a baby. It had taken a while to surface and in the beginning had been masked by Haruka's boyish pride and stubbornness, but now she was allowing Michiru to see the way she really felt about Kaifuu and Michiru thought it was absolutely adorable. Kaifuu stirred and the couple immediately silenced their whispering, but it was too late. Her big, blue-green eyes flew open and she was about to cry loud enough that someone would hear her in another room, but upon seeing that both her parents were already there, she just started fussing until Michiru reached down and took her. "There, there, it's okay." Michiru held Kaifuu up to her shoulder and rubbed her back. "I bet you're hungry. Do you want your papa to hold you while I get your bottle? I bet you do." She placed the baby in Haruka's open arms and headed out to the kitchen pausing long enough at the door to say, "Please change her diaper will you, Love?" Haruka was perfectly fine with doing it. After all, she had been charge of changing Hotaru's diapers, too. By the time Michiru returned with the bottle, Haruka had finished and was sitting in a rocking chair the corner with Kaifuu snuggled in her arms. "Hurry up, Michiru. This kid's starving." Haruka called to her with mock impatience. She stood up and let Michiru take the seat. Michiru took Kaifuu and fed her the bottle which she sucked down hungrily. "She eats like you." Michiru laughed. "Slow down little one, you'll get a tummy ache." Haruka knelt next to the chair and laid her head in Michiru's lap while she tried to get Kaifuu to burp. The attempts were not working and poor Kaifuu was starting to cry in pain from the pressure building in her little stomach. "I hate when she gets like this." Michiru sighed rubbing the baby's back a little more vigorously. "She's too little to hurt so much." "Let me take her." Haruka stood up and wrapped her arms around her suffering daughter. She softly patted and rubbed her back with her big, strong hands. Suddenly Kaifuu let out a long burp and stopped crying almost immediately now that the pain was gone. "There you go. It must feel so good to get that out doesn't it?" She let Michiru have the baby back. Kaifuu yawned and nestled into her mother's arms. "My, what a big yawn from such a little girl." Haruka retook her place with her head on her lover's lap. Michiru rocked Kaifuu to sleep singing a lullaby that put Haruka to sleep, too. She silently thought that taking care of a baby wasn't so hard. 'It's a lot like taking care of Haruka.' Michiru wiggled her knees slightly, jostling Haruka's head and waking her from her slumber. "No! Don't make me wear that dress to school agai... huh?" "Sshhh", Michiru whispered, "Haruka, you have to get up. I need to put her in her bed." Haruka was on her feet immediately giving Michiru a hand up. She laid the sleeping Kaifuu gently in the crib. Haruka softly brushed her hand through her daughter's sea green hair. It was getting quite long, though her bangs looked a lot like Haruka's right down to the cowlick. "She needs a haircut." "Oh no you don't. You're not going anywhere near her hair with the scissors." "We'll talk about this later. I've kept you waiting long enough." Haruka scooped Michiru up in her arms and carried her back to their bedroom. *** They woke up late the next morning and when they came down to breakfast, they were met with a cold glare from Setsuna's bloodshot eyes. "As if it weren't hard enough to get a decent night's sleep around here with the baby crying, but do you two have to celebrate getting her back to sleep by making all that noise in your room? Do you have any idea how loud you were?" Setsuna seemed merely annoyed, but under it anyone could sense pure envy. Michiru sat down next to Setsuna an asked a question that was all too familiar. "Did you're date go badly last night, Setsuna?" Setsuna began crying and Michiru hugged her, but Haruka was too hurt to notice at first. "Hey! Since Kaifuu's been sleeping in our room, we haven't had the chance to do anythi...uh, did I say something wrong?" "No, Love, not yet. Why don't you go wake up Kaifuu, it's time for her breakfast, too. I can handle things here." Haruka went upstairs and into Kaifuu's room, glad to be away from Setsuna's man problems and the ensuing girl-talk. She reached down and carefully nudged the sleeping baby. "Time to rise and shine my little Kai-chan." Kaifuu's eyes opened and she blinked at the bright light of the morning sun streaming into the window. She nearly jumped into her father's loving arms. Haruka changed her and then carried her downstairs to the kitchen to get her a bottle. Setsuna and Michiru were still sitting there, but now they were laughing about what jerks men were. When Haruka entered the room, they fell completely silent. "You don't have to stop just because I walked in. I'm not a man you know." "Oh, you're close enough, Dear." "Well, I guess we know where we're not wanted right, Kai-chan? We'll be upstairs." Haruka grabbed the bottle from the microwave and turned on her heels. "Wait, Haruka!" Setsuna laughed, "Leave the baby here. There's still hope for her. If she's with you too long, who knows what will happe..." Michiru stopped her and shook her head. "Michiru, she knows I'm only kidding." "Maybe so, but sometimes comments like that can affect Haruka more deeply than she lets on." Haruka sat in the chair in Kaifuu's room. She had just finished burping her, effortlessly this time, and had laid her down on her lap. "I hope you feel better now." Haruka's own stomach growled and the noise startled Kaifuu who jumped and nearly started crying. "Don't be afraid. It's just my stomach. I should have had my breakfast, too." Haruka looked at her daughter. The little girl seemed to hang on every word that came out of her mouth. Haruka wondered if she understood any of it. She decided that it really didn't matter if she understood or not. Haruka had a lot on her mind and she wanted to put it into words. She was unaware of Michiru who was standing just outside the door. "Kai-chan," She began, "Setsuna said something that made me think. Ha... If I had said that to your mother, she would probably say something like 'It's good to try new things.' But, that doesn't bug me. It's just that Setsuna's remark about what might happen if you're with me for too long made me wonder if it was a mistake to have you. Not that we don't want you. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love you more than I ever thought was possible, but I can't protect you forever. As long as you're a baby, we can keep you safe from all the bad things in the world. What's going to happen when you go to school? I know how kids treated me when I was young. I wouldn't wish that on you for the world, but both your mother and I are well known. Your own name will be your enemy. If only I hadn't opened my big mouth. If I hadn't told the press and the whole world that I'm a girl, things might have worked out. Now I've spread my curse to you and you're too little and innocent to understa..." Her voice trailed off as she realized she was crying, then Michiru was there, kissing her quivering lips and wiping the tears from her eyes. "Michiru, what have we done?" "I knew what Setsuna said would bother you. That's why I came up here, but I must admit, I never expected to hear all that." "How are we going to raise her right with the whole world working against us?" "Haruka, we raised Hotaru and she's perfectly alright. She's much better off now than she was her first time around." "It's different with Hotaru. She's not our kid and everyone knows it. She knows it, too. Hotaru remembers her real parents and her old life. People know that her parents were killed in, albeit separate, accidents and that we took care of her because she had nowhere else to go. Hotaru knew she had a real father, not just me. Not just a wannabe. I'm not worried about Hotaru ending up like me." Michiru removed Kaifuu from Haruka's lap and placed her on a blanket that she'd laid on the floor while Haruka was talking. Then she pulled Haruka down to the floor next to her and embraced her shaking body. "So that's it, huh? You're afraid that Kai-chan will end up just like you. Well I say 'What's wrong with that?'. I love you and I see nothing wrong with the way you are. I think that under all this worry, you secretly hope she follows in your footsteps. You're a wonderful roll model for any child." "You're biased, Michiru. Ask any other normal parent and you know what they'll say? 'No kid of mine's gonna grow up to be a perverted, dyke, lesbian freak!'. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. I may not have admitted it at first, or even known, but it's always been there and it's caused me nothing but trouble. I don't want Kaifuu to have to suffer like I did." "Haruka, your lifestlye caused you so much trouble, yet you never changed. There's something to that. It must have been what you wanted. Kaifuu will do what she want's with her life and don't forget, she has me to balance it out." "We can only hope she ends up like you." "She will end up as herself, whatever that may be. You're also forgetting one thing, your parents neglected you and mine smothered me by guiding and directing every aspect of my life. We're the products of extreme parenting from both ends of the spectrum. Both methods leave the child feeling unloved and alone. Kaifuu has two loving parents who will be there for her no matter what happens. No matter how badly the world treats her, she will always have us. We'll always love her. Neither of us had that reassurance when we were young." Haruka was a little more at ease now. She shook a rattle at Kaifuu who giggled in such a cute way that Haruka couldn't help but pick her up. "I hear that laugh and I just melt. I can't imagine anyone wanting to hurt her in any way, but just I know it's going to happen someday." "She already has you wrapped so tight around that tiny finger." Michiru snuggled up to her lover. "Hold me, too Love. You don't pay enough attention to me anymore." she pouted. "You've had your chance." Haruka hugged Kaifuu closer. "It's Kai-chan's turn now." "No fair! I'm telling Setsuna." Michiru tried to act hurt, but she started laughing and Haruka put one arm around her. "Ahh, you know there's room for both of you." Michiru hugged Kaifuu, too. "Things are going to turn out alright, Haruka. Kaifuu will be strong. Just look at her parents. Look at what we've been through just up to this point. She'll be able to overcome anything life throws at her." "You're probably right." "I'm always right, Dear." Michiru corrected Haruka's *obvious* error. "That's what I'm told", Haruka chuckled, "every day of my life." "If you hear it enough, maybe you'll start believing it." "You know I already do." Haruka kissed Michiru on the forehead then worked her way down over her nose, cheeks, lips and chin, all the way to her neck where she stopped and worked the area for awhile. Then she rested her head on Michiru's shoulder and sighed contentedly. Michiru leaned her head over onto Haruka's. "I couldn't have said it better myself." ***OWARI*** back